When the pain happens to allow me to escape from home, I no longer can stay out for lengthy periods of time due to drug induced fatigued. I feel like an alien existing on some foreign planet. I feel dizzy and generally just really weird. Forget hangovers. I feel more than whacked around by a few too many drinks. Ever since the onset of sudden back pain over three weeks ago, I've seen it invade the little life I had left. The pain has been my constant companion and I'm wondering how can this pain be real. It's ridiculous.
I've been patiently waiting to see another gynaecologist next week but inevitably I wound up at the doctors yet again today because the pain became too unbearable. I'm tired, I'm frustrated, I cry at any little thing, I'm miserable and I'm moody. My given options today? #1. Get an urgent appointment to see a different gynaecologist this week #2. Try opiates (taking into consideration I already feel drugged from the panadiene forte, opiates will make this feeling worse) #3. Look into getting private health cover to speed up surgery (people are not so reassuring about this one) #4. Rock up at emergency to prove I'm struggling. (Tempting but I don't feel like sitting in emergency for hours when I can predict what will happen- they'll just drug me up and send me home, may as well just get the drugs from my doctor)
I decided on option one. I've been kindly given an appointment for this week. I feel sorry for this doctor- three weeks of constant chronic and at times severe pain... little miss nice went out the window quite a while ago. I'm frustrated with doctors who don't "get it". I'm sick of wasting my money on doctors who don't give a shit and don't take my pain seriously. I'm at the end of my rope here. I'm tired of being doped up on drugs and told "surgery shouldn't be too much of a wait" or "getting pregnant should help with your endometriosis". The getting pregnant part really upsets me the most. Firstly, endometriosis can cause infertility and if I'm having trouble with adhesions on my ovary and bladder that may make conceiving much more complicated. Secondly, Endometriosis shouldn't become my reasoning of wanting a child, and more to the point, I'm dateless. I'm a stay at home young single woman on disability trying to manage living with multiple chronic illnesses. Finding myself a man and having a child isn't on my top priority list.