I think the main reason why I'm so anxious is because my last laparoscopy was an experience that I never want to endure again. Waking up to the worst and most unbearable pain of my whole entire life after having my bladder ripped off my ovary is not something I want to re-live, but if my bladder is stuck again like my body is telling me then there is an awful possibility that I could go into retention again and I am ridiculously anxious about this happening again. Hell, when you've been in the back of an ambulance in agony after neglectful nurses sent you home when you were still in pain and still in retention- I guess anxiety attacks are fairly normal.
Although, I've had to slap myself for being so silly several times. It's my fourth laparoscopy and seventh surgery in total. Who am I kidding? I'm a pro! The only part of the whole process that phases me is the waking up part. The part when you aren't numb to the fact that it feels as though a wombat has stomped all over your ovaries and sunk it's sharp claws in. I think it's worse knowing what kind of pain to expect. Although, with all of my surgeries I've experienced a different degree of pain. So I guess it's just fear of the unknown really.
I have to be positive though. Worrying about things I can't control is wasting precious energy. Whatever happens, happens. I'm in a hell of a lot of pain already so surely it can't get much worse than this. Besides, I spent my first recovery in hospital vomiting all day, my second recovery was a breeze, my third was sheer torture... do the math and my fourth one is bound to be brilliant. I survived then and I will survive now. After all, I've got Jesus right by my side and I know that He's got me in his hand. And because He is with me, I will not fear.
I CLAIM MY POWER!!