I have consumed copious amounts of junk food over the past few weeks and I am disgusted and ashamed of myself.
Before I became ill my diet was extremely healthy- salad sandwiches, fresh fruit and all that jazz. I was known as the health freak.
Since I've been "sick" I think I've just lost my motivation... I've tried so many different diets in effort to help relieve symptoms to no avail.
It's not that I don't enjoy eating healthy, it's more that I'm exhausted and junk food is easier and much cheaper too.
Lunch time is the biggest pitfall. I'm usually feeling fatigued and it's just so simple to whack a frozen pie in the oven.
It's no secret that I'm a sucker of a sweet tooth, but lately I've been abandoning the principle of balance.
Over the past few weeks I have digested 2 fairly large helpings of nachos (with lots of cheese and sour cream), 2 packets of licorice, 3 blocks of chocolate, a large pizza.... and God knows what else.
I never used to eat like this but for now I'm blaming this binge on depression. I'm struggling with an identity crisis, anger, frustration and loneliness.
My social life is seriously suffering and I have this awful pain in my back and ribs and no one can tell me what the hell is going on. Being at home most days doesn't help this problem either.
So many people and things have let me down.
Food never lets me down. So I eat.
I'm also a terrible tea lover. Flavoured tea can (in my opinion) taste really bland without sugar and four large cups daily is definitely taking its toll.
I feel sluggish, clogged up and downright miserable. I believe I'm also suffering from some kind of food intolerance or allergy (which we're still investigating) and feeding myself crap is only making matters worse. My skin is also suffering too.
I read a fascinating article the other day which alerted me to take action. It suggested that "people with chronic fatigue syndrome often have difficulty regulating blood sugar, resulting in low levels in some CFS patients and elevated in others".
I've been tested twice for displaying diabetic like symptoms so it cannot be a coincidence that chronic fatigue syndrome is the culprit.
According to the article, I have low blood sugar: irritability when hungry, dizziness on standing sometimes and recurrent sore throats.
And here I am supplying myself with the mother of all truck loads of sugar.
This has got to stop.
It's time to cut the crap.
I may not have much control over my current situation but I can control what I eat. I can make better food choices.
I've accepted the fact that healthy eating and extreme diets aren't going to cure me, but surely they have to give me a better chance at remission over junk food.
I do love fruit though (probably too much, it's becoming an expensive addiction), so I'm using that to my advantage. My parents learned never to let me run wild in a fruit shop the hard way.
(This is my fruit order that came today, super excited about my supply for the week! Box contains: a packet of carrots, 2 punnets of strawberries, a packet of apples, 2 oh so expensive bananas, 1/2 cantaloupe, a packet of oranges, 3 kiwi fruits and a bunch of red grapes. Oh so delicious!)
So here's to taking better care of myself. Replacing flavoured tea with organic green tea and caffeine free tea. Replacing biscuit snacks with fruit.
Enjoying fruit salads for breakfast and vegetable juice daily. And aiming for 2L of water a day.
So far today I've managed 2 large bowls of fruit salad with lactose free yogurt, a salad sandwich, a glass of vegetable juice, 2 cups of green tea and 1 1/2 L of water and I'm already feeling better for it.
Here's to a clearer complexion and a happier and healthier Miss Chronically Creative.