"Where there is creativity, there is hope." ~ Donna Karan

Thursday, December 15, 2011

On second thought, maybe a walk wasn't such a good idea.

I've made it my mission to get out and about more seeing as back pain isn't as troublesome these days. You know, getting fit and all that. I've even kept up the exercise since I stopped going to the gym some months ago now and since I don't have a scheduled work-out time with an exercise physiologist, I can exercise on my good days rather than on my bad.

I only saw an exercise physiologist following advice from a fatigue specialist, but it just didn't work for me. Exercising on my worst days just seemed ludicrous- I'd come home from the gym, lump myself on a chair and cry, feeling so damn awful. And they'd wonder why I wasn't improving. Un-freaking-believable.

I'm much more happier now that I'm just exercising on my good days and when I feel I can. I enjoy it more (mentally speaking that is, physically... well that's another story). The aftermath, not so. I wish I could say that all this getting active is improving my fatigue but alas, I am feeling pretty darn crap-tacular. I've been getting out for a walk at least once a week, and, on top of that I'll go out to the shops too. Some weeks I can manage to get out of the house between two and four times, which is an incredible improvement, but just because I can manage that, doesn't mean that I am coping with it.

There have been some weeks when I just haven't been able to exercise because Humira side effects have held me hostage but when I have been able to, I have found myself feeling even more worse for wear because of it. I'm beginning to think Humira side effects and exercise just don't gel. Maybe I need to rest more and give it more time, I don't know but what I do know is Humira has increased my fatigue dramatically. Just what a CFS sufferer needs.
I need one of these. Pronto.

I've recently had a few shocking weeks with fatigue and good ole brain fog, so when I had a good day the other day, I took the opportunity to go for a short walk in the afternoon sun. Wrong move. I spent the rest of the day feeling not so fabulous. The following day, a pain flare rocked up at my doorstep and last night I even had to crack open some codeine, and I still had trouble sleeping.

Today, I've been feeling less than lovely but I bravely ventured to the shops because Christmas presents aren't going to buy and wrap themselves. Besides, I wanted to get out for a bit- beyond the four walls of my craft studio. There is after all, a world outside of glue and glitter. Now I'm feeling something shocking. Every time I go out, or every time I exercise I end up feeling dreadful- to the point where I feel like dying can't be any worse. To top things off, for some unknown reason, the stabbing chest pain has decided to make a return.

'Tis the season to be jolly.

I'm all for exercise, but not when it has me up in the night trying to get aches and pangs of pain under control I'm not. I'm not for exercise when it leaves me feeling like I'd rather die for days following. This is where I draw the line. Right here I am drawing the line. I used to be able to exercise despite pain and fatigue but suddenly my symptoms spiraled out of control- forcing me to stop. There is a reason why that happened and if being a lazy sloth didn't cause my downward spiral, how in heck is it going to get me out of it?

I need to exercise. I want to exercise. However, I also don't want to feel like this. So I'm stopping the exercise. I'm going back to my doctors' to discuss this whole exercise issue. Surely there must be something they can do to help me feel more human... Humira has me feeling oh so horrid. It has helped a lot with the back pain, but it's making me feel so strange. This is a temporary setback though, I have to believe that. I'm going to get back to exercising, I'm going to get my strength back and I'm going to get better. It's days like today that make me determined.


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Alanna said...

It is a viscious cycle isn't it? I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with the want vs cant exercise argument our bodies like to throw at us :(

Have you tried swimming? I go to the local pool once a week and just do some walking and some stretches and exercises in the pool. Really mild and nothing strenuous but it's something at least and it's so much better for your joints and whatnot in the pool.

Talitha said...

I'm not going to make suggestions for what YOU should do, because we have different pain and different conditions.

However like you I would like to be exercising, but often can’t because of pain and the aftermath that follows. It’s just stupid to have to take two days off from life because I went for a walk.

However as I want to 1) be healthy 2) have more energy and 3) live longer I know exercise is important. Being sexier would be nice too. So I have started trying to get small (REALLY small) amounts of exercise into everyday situations.

Examples would be doing ten leg lifts while I’m watching TV. Or just doing arm lifts while I’m watching you-tube videos. It’s only slightly better than nothing, but it IS better and oddly it does have an effect. Just getting the blood flowing is great.

Anyway, maybe there are some minor exercises like that you can do—any movement is burning calories after all—even if you can’t do the same ones I can.

Vibration Machine said...

I think based on my experience once you start exercising for the first time people usually get some body pain.

Desiree said...

Totally relate to this - I got a trainer and we did as much as I could handle. He knows his stuff and has seen his fair share of injuries but apparently I blew his mind with the variation in ability from session to session because he could see I was giving it everything each time - it's just that everything one week would be sod all the next. Touch boxing was my favourite - oh the anger I had to release in those sessions. Yes I was wrecked for days after but standing on the beach walking or punching with my trainer got me through some dark psychological days - incl the breakup of my relationship.
Anyway - find what releases your anger, do what you can and let it be. If you love it - and plan it, the recovery required won't matter so much. And not sure about anyone else but for the very rare few hours that I get the water retention to go away - underneath the ballooning it seems I've got some tight calf and arm muscles going on. All that clenching and tightening in pain is pretty good work out all on it's own apparently .... So under the distended stomach there's surely a six pack lurking :)


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