One of these days I'm going to write a kick arse post.
Blogging has become so much more of an effort as of late. I used to be able to work a short shift each week AND smash out a decent blog post within a reasonable amount of time considering my circumstances. These days, it's a different story.
Brain fog has become a constant, daily and often crippling battle. It usually wins over blogging. Mostly because I'm too tired to be bothered trying to work through it. I can quite easily go without blogging for weeks now. I have the brain functioning of a goldfish, which means producing a decent post is the last thing I feel like doing.
Oh how I long for the days when blogging were not akin to climbing Mount Freaking Everest. I love blogging, it's what keeps me plodding along, but I hate how brain fog, accompanied by post exertional malaise, punishes me for every little thing, stealing some of the joy I receive from writing.
It isn't writers block. Heck, I have heaps to write. I have pages upon pages of blog post ideas, but it's sitting down and somehow getting my brain to string a sensible sentence together that people can relate to, that is the problem. I try and I try to work through it, and I do, even if a post ends up taking weeks on end but this brain fog nonsense is becoming more and more difficult by the day. It's redonkulous.
I would like to study sometime soon, and I plan on returning to work just for a few hours a week too, but I wonder how I'm going to cope. I don't feel confident that I can work successfully under these conditions. Serving customers when I feel dazed and distant is just downright difficult. How am I to study if a short simple post like this has taken hours?
It's hard to craft under these conditions too.
I've been trying to work out why brain fog has become such an issue for me. Around home I forget what I'm doing frequently, I'll do something without realising what I'm actually doing, and any poor soul who converses with me has to repeat themselves a thousand times because my foggy brain doesn't fully register what was said. The only logical explanation that I have for my increased impairment is that I'm a lot more active. I've been socialising, I holidayed like a healthy person last week... and the list goes on.
I am constantly pushing myself because I want a better life. I want my health back. I also feel pressure from doctors. There is so much conflict. One doctor tells me I'm biting off more than I can chew, another tells me that what I'm doing isn't good enough, to increase my activity, get back to work and get on with it. I have difficulty explaining how brain fog and fatigue can really cripple me at times, when I don't even understand it myself. Words can't describe it.
I fear I am failing as a blogger. I don't even work, the least I can do is sit and write something, but lately I struggle to even do that. So what good does that make me? I fear this post doesn't even make sense in the slightest.
I'm determined to not let this bout of brain fog stop me. It may slow me down, but I'm not giving in. Although, that is mighty tempting right now! It's just going to take me a little longer to accomplish things. It's freaking frustrating though.
Do you fight brain fog too? Share your frustration with me. x
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