It's the middle of April already? Whaaaat! Time is just flying- it's scaring me a little. Recently, I had a bit of a freak out about where I am heading this year and my lack of direction. Then I realised that I haven't even set some small goals which I want to focus on achieving this year.
So, without further ado, here are the serious and silly things I'd like to accomplish (which I think are achievable for me despite chronic illness):
- Learn how to sew. Mamma and Papa Bear bought me a lovely sewing machine for my birthday a few years ago. I know, I'm such a terrible daughter for not pursuing this desire to learn sooner, but this is my year to learn. Yep. I'm currently looking into getting some private lessons.
- Prioritise socialising. For years, my social life has been sitting in the toilet. Not again this year if I can help it. This year it's time to invest what energy I do have into meeting new people and making new friends, before exercise and hobbies.
- Eat dessert before dinner. Wait. I already do that.
- Worry less. At times, I do worry about the future and stress about what I can't yet do. Silly, hey? I want to change this. Although, it's easier said than done, especially if you are young with "your whole life ahead of you" and chronic illness interferes with it on a daily basis. Of course I'm still going to be upset about my circumstances, but if I can at least work at being more positive and stressing less, then that's progress.
- Find some place that sells ah-mazing hot jam donuts. I lived ten minutes away from the best hot jam donuts ever. That was until they shut up shop. They just so happened to be a few doors down from my chemist, so whenever I picked up scripts (which was a lot), I'd collect some delicious donuts too. If I was having one of those days, I'd drive down and get some as consolation for how crap I was feeling and they would help cheer me up. I was absolutely devastated when they closed- shed some sulky sulk tears and all. Spiraled into a deep depression, I did. Ever since (which has been quite a while) I haven't found any that taste anywhere near as amazing. Bitterly disappointed. I desperately need to find some hot jam donuts that taste as good or better. My emotional wellbeing depends on it.
- Make a pavlova. It's one of my favourite cakes (yes, I have a few!), and yet I've never made one. There's nothing quite like a good pavlova.
- Decorate a cake. I'd like to attempt to decorate a cake properly, instead of just slopping some frosting on. You know, fancy fondant and all that jazz.
- Grow some balls and get a new piercing. I have the standard ear piercings but for years I've been wanting to get a nose or belly button piercing (maybe even both) but I'm too scared. Yep, I've had seven surgeries, impacted wisdom teeth, carpal tunnel syndrome, have endured the shocking pain of urinary retention TWICE, and I stab myself with a needle that stings like a bitch every fortnight. I'm weird, I know.
- Learn how to colour with copic markers. Yes indeed, I did invest in markers which are incredibly difficult to use. Without realising, of course! The tutorials are deceptive. It is not as easy and effortless as the videos make out. You have to possess ridiculous talent and skill, of which I do not have. I'm hoping I'll just get better with practice, which I plan on doing a lot of. If any classes pop up in my area, I'm going.
- World domination. Ok so I'm dreaming, but I do want to get myself out there in the big wide world and make connections as I do have plans to start a world wide creative chronic pain ministry, which I will need a lot of help with.
- Blast my horn at blithering idiot drivers. This may surprise you considering I have given someone the finger (oops) when driving, but since driving solo, I've never used my horn. Usually all my concentration is focused on slamming on my brakes, and I am then left stunned and shocked at their stupidity. This needs to change. I need to toot my horn and scream, because people need to know that they are driving like a dumb ass.
- Say no without feeling guilty. I shouldn't have to apologise for feeling like crap, it's not my fault. I shouldn't have to explain why I put my health first, and I shouldn't have to justify what I choose to do or not do. I need to stop feeling guilty over something which I can't control. If people aren't understanding, that's their problem, not mine. You just can't please everyone.
- Express my opinion more. This will have to be in the form of blogging more than face to face, or I will be in a lot of trouble! Ha!
- Have a pyjama party. Pizza, pyjamas, fluffy slippers, popcorn and movies. I think so!
- Cook some meals. I need to branch out from baking. May as well try to put the skills I picked up in my year 12 food technology studies to good use. I got an A+ and I need not waste that talent anymore.
- Finish putting the final touches on my shabby chic style bedroom. I really want to see the bedroom of my dreams completed so I can enjoy it before prince charming comes along and I have to compromise on pretty frills and colours. It's gonna happen soon. Some sweet guy is going to realise that I am a freaking goddess.
- Find myself a hawt pair of purple boots to rock. I have been on the lookout for far too long. I did see a pair in a shop a few years back but decided not to get them because they were suede. Boy am I regretting that decision now because I can't even find some suede ones at least anymore. I did happen to find some when holidaying but they had really high heels. Boo hoo.
- Start selling some crafts. I'd really like to make some spare change selling some of my handmade cards this year. That is the goal.
- Gain confidence. My self esteem has really plummeted because of the weight I've put on with Prednisolone. For some reason, chronic illness has shaken my confidence all of a sudden, which is partly the reason why I don't go out and socialise. I definitely want to work towards becoming more confident and feeling less ashamed about having a chronic illness. Sounds ridiculous that I feel ashamed, but that's just how I'm feeling, which is for another post.
- Attend church more often. I wish I had more energy, but sometimes the things I want to get done during the week suck up all the energy I have and so I'm feeling too tired to go to a night service or am too smashed to get up to go to the morning service with my family. I would like to go more, maybe I'll have to occasionally sacrifice baking some cupcakes or going out with friends in order to get there.
- Get fit. Now I can't go all hardcore and exercise like the healthy me did, but I can work on increasing my fitness within my limitations. I'm currently working towards exercising everyday by doing gentle activities like yoga, pilate's and short aerobic workouts. I'm currently averaging 10 minutes a day. I'm coping, just. Ideally, I'd like to be exercising for 30 minutes every day which is quite the challenge with CFS, but I'm aiming to get there one day.
- Find balance. When I sit down and belt out a blog post, the things I want and need to get done fall by the wayside. When I concentrate on other things, my blog gets neglected. I somehow need to find a balance as soon as possible!
What things are you aiming for this year?
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