I spent the afternoon in the glorious Autumn sunshine,
wondering how I'm going to manage work every week and everything else writing.
Tomorrow, I start back at work.
I'd be excited if I didn't have to deal with stressed out shoppers while battling brain fog, and if it didn't mean making several sacrifices to manage one measly short shift a week. Having to forge through the fatigue and pain doesn't thrill me either.
I guess I'm not all that happy, because it feels like I'm going backwards. I've worked in retail since high school, and I'm still stuck there. Had my health not gone downhill six years ago, I'd probably be teaching know it all four year olds instead of serving impatient, verbally abusive customers.
Retail is not where I want to be for the rest of my life, I've been wanting to break out of the grumpy customer grind for a few years now, but because I don't feel as though I can manage anything else at the moment- I keep finding myself going back to the same old boring job. I feel trapped.
My job has also been a constant comfort though. It's the one thing I am the most thankful for. I know I'm extremely blessed to have such a supportive workplace, and a boss who patiently puts up with the long periods that I am unable to work. It really is a miracle that I have been able to keep my job after all these years of unpredictability. Any other job would probably have said goodbye after six weeks, not six years.
Returning to work means that sometimes my weeks energy supply will be stolen, so other pursuits then fall by the wayside. This is what saddens me the most, because my mind still wants to keep up with everything else, but my body just doesn't follow through.
This morning it was such an incredible struggle to drag my dreary self out of bed, and the thought of attempting my exercise routine was terrifying. But I did it. And I will work my shift tomorrow, and I will survive. Somehow, I will find the strength to cope.
Tomorrow, I am taking a step forward even though it doesn't feel like it. I'll be fine- tomorrow will be a great day.
Do you work with a chronic illness? How do you cope? I'll take any advice you can give me! x
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