Saturday, May 12, 2012

Poetry and Praise: Fibromyalgia Fighter

Today is Fibromyalgia and CFS/M.E. awareness day, so I thought it the perfect opportunity to post a poem I wrote four years ago about living with Fibromyalgia. I wrote it one year into my diagnosis when I was trialing different drugs to try and manage the pain which left me feeling extremely depressed and discouraged.

 
 

Fibromyalgia Fighter

Imagine everyday with chronic pain
You can't, I know, and neither could I
Until one morning I opened my eyes
And from that day on the pain didn't subside
I found myself on one rough roller coaster ride
My heart filled with dismay,
My whole world looking dark and gray
In bed was where I wanted to stay

I just thought I was sick with the flu
And that was the reason for me feeling so blue
In constant pain how can this be?
I battle fatigue; my muscles are tired, I feel so weak
I am tired and sore, I cannot do this anymore

From head to toe my body aches, I feel so low
My life has been changed, frustration I know
I keep telling myself it will be alright
So I keep putting up a good fight
But with this pain, it seems no end is in sight

Pain is all I know-
Aching, throbbing, stabbing, burning;
But I keep going
 
I try to live a normal life
But what's normal about pain
Cutting you like a knife?
I struggle, I have sleepless nights
Getting out of bed isn't an easy fight,
I am tired from a short walk
I can't keep up with idol talk
I find it hard to keep up the pace
I find it hard to put on a happy face

My head is in a spin
This pain I can't describe
I wouldn't know where to begin

Medications I take daily
But the side effects drive me crazy,
There are days I wish I didn't awake;
Times when I feel punished
For some mammoth mistake
 
I'm in chronic pain but
I'm fine is what I have to fake,
I don't know how much more I can take
I hardly have any energy to spare
Oh Lord, it just doesn't seem fair

Most days I'd rather be curled up in bed
And, no, this pain is not all in my head
Some days are hard, some days I dread
But I try to get through them
With joy in my step
 
I keep wishing if only I had been sick with a cold
Then my life wouldn't have to be put on hold
 
People say "Gee you look well!"
Little do they know about the pain that I'm in
Dreams have been dashed, hope has crashed
I've forgotten what it's like to live life well,
Some days are sent straight from hell
Life is hard when you feel so unwell
 
It's hard enough to battle the pain
But to endure the emotions is harder again
 
Some say I look fine, judging my appearance from the outside
They don't see me cry myself to sleep
They don't feel the burning in my feet
They don't see the times when
The pain gets too much, and I feel I'd rather die
 
This pain isn't me, a healthy person, I use to be
Why can't I be pain free for at least an hour?
I'd give anything for a pain free moment to savour
 
This isn't fun, I want this pain to end, so I can run
I'm tired of living this way, I'm tired of everyday

My life seems like it's one big mess
Despite this though, I know I'm blessed
Through the tough days I live my life to my best

Yes, some days I am not okay
I find it hard to get through the day,
Wishing the pain would just go away

But I still have a reason to smile
A reason to hope, and this helps me to cope
I am so thankful that I am alive
That my pain will not cause me to die

I cannot change what I cannot
So I may as well deal with what I've got
Yes, this sucks, I've had my fair share of bad luck
And I'm tired of feeling yuck,
But I hope for the future
And don't focus too much on what I have not.

Pain makes it hard to live everyday
But this is what I still say-
I am good, I am tired but okay,
This isn't forever
I WILL get better

© Chronically Creative.net, 2008


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