"Where there is creativity, there is hope." ~ Donna Karan

Monday, June 11, 2012

birthday blues and bling

Three weeks ago I celebrated my twenty fourth birthday. Turning twenty four should be exciting, but for me it just isn't for a few reasons. I have been stuck in a rut these past few months. And by rut I mean a dark depressive ditch.

I guess this whole getting another year older and seeing six years of my life flushed down the toilet, and looking at the future and where my life is heading has really knocked me for six. It's silly, I know, I don't even fully understand why I am feeling the way I do. I guess I just need to ride it out and write my way through it.

As I wrote in a recent post, chronic illness doesn't care if it's your birthday. It's not going to stop causing you grief because you are turning another year older. I'm not going to lie, I had a pretty crappy birthday. I was feeling pretty down in the dumps, and on top of that I was feeling like death from post exertional malaise as a result of surviving four shifts at work, so  I was feeling quite sickly.

I really didn't feel like celebrating. The only good thing about the day was going out with my family and enjoying birthday pancakes at my favourite restaurant. Pancakes piled with strawberries, icecream and maple syrup doesn't disappoint.

Going out for lunch was as much as I could manage. I did plan to go out and do something fun like going to look at some shops that I haven't been to in awhile, but fatigue had other plans. After lunch I felt something shocking, so I spent my birthday between the couch watching tv, and the computer, pinning like a crazy woman on Pinterest. Yeah, I sure know how to partaaay!

Even my birthday cake was a huge disappointment. I usually get a white chocolate mud cake from the cheesecake shop every year, as it's my favourite. This cake is to die for. Well, not anymore it's not. I was horrified when I took my first bite. I couldn't understand why it tasted so disgusting. I should have baked my own cake. At least I would have enjoyed it. What the heck did the people do to my favourite cake ever? The icing was the worst part. It tasted cheap. The quality was appalling for a cake shop. It was like they dropped their baking standards to cut costs. A fellow family member also noted the awful taste change and suggested the shop must of changed hands. But why oh why would you change the recipe or ingredients when it tasted so amazing? I'm baffled. Cheesecake shop, you've got some splainin' to do! I could cry, my favourite cake in the whole wide world is no more.

I did get some nice new bling though. And that kind of makes up for how crappy I've been feeling lately.

Rockin' my new pearl earrings (I couldn't get both of them in the photo thanks to my fat prednisolone face)! Excuse the pale no makeup I'm beyond buggered face.

New ring! I'm in love.

It's not all bad though, this bout of depression is a blessing in disguise. It has made me more determined than ever to fight for my dreams and look for ways to achieve what I want despite my many limitations. And besides, another year older means I'm another year closer to being well again.

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Tamara Epps said...

Sorry to hear that your birthday wasn't that great but remember that you can always celebrate it when you are feeling more able to.

As for the cake, I would write to the company and complain and let them know you won't be buying from them again due to them suddenly changing the recipes and not announcing it.

Hope this week goes better for you x

Krissy said...

your nails look amazing!

and that sucks about the cake! i hate it when things like that change... it always happens!

Anonymous said...

oh im so sorry you felt this way on your birthday, i always find birthdays highlight the bad things sometimes as it feels like the pinnacle of your year and you look at what you have to show for it. on the plus side you managed to work shifts and that is amazing!! its an achievement even though it knocked you out. listen you have lots of time to figure out things so that you can do a career you can cope with. have you tried any support groups in your area for any younger members that can be a friend in tough times who understand the struggles.

Miss Chronically Creative said...

@ Tamara, yes I'll be celebrating another time. It's not all that bad. I don't know what has gotten into me lately, I'm being so silly. I'm blaming hormones. I've been feeling much better and more positive about things these last few days. I hope you are going ok x

Miss Chronically Creative said...

Thank you Krissy! I am really happy with them :D yeah it does suck a bit. Why does it always happen? Gah! First there were these amazing hot jam donuts I would eat when I felt really down and they would help cheer me up and the shop shut.. and now my favourite cake is stuffed. They've stopped making white chocolate malteesers and crunchie milkshakes... I'm devestated. Haha!

Miss Chronically Creative said...

anonymous- exactly. You've explained it so much better than I have! And yes it is amazing, it's kind of easy to forget that when you feel like poo, so thank you for reminding me. I think it's time I started looking at a local support group- there's one near me but I'm pretty sure they are all much older than I am, but I think I should enquire some more, it would be nice to talk face to face and go out for coffee with someone who understands.

Anonymous said...

thats a great idea, give it a chance, im piffle by the way i just forgot my password. I found one near mine and they are mostly older but one is young so im hopeful for that. i was thinking of setting up a charity just something small, starying off befriending m.e. sufferes and then collecting mobility scooters once im a bit better and doing outings. then let the doctor know so he can refer them to me. as so many people including myself feel that were the only ones and loads cant get to support groups. good luck emily and relax!!


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