Three weeks ago I celebrated my twenty fourth birthday. Turning twenty four should be exciting, but for me it just isn't for a few reasons. I have been stuck in a rut these past few months. And by rut I mean a dark depressive ditch.
I guess this whole getting another year older and seeing six years of my life flushed down the toilet, and looking at the future and where my life is heading has really knocked me for six. It's silly, I know, I don't even fully understand why I am feeling the way I do. I guess I just need to ride it out and write my way through it.
As I wrote in a recent post, chronic illness doesn't care if it's your birthday. It's not going to stop causing you grief because you are turning another year older. I'm not going to lie, I had a pretty crappy birthday. I was feeling pretty down in the dumps, and on top of that I was feeling like death from post exertional malaise as a result of surviving four shifts at work, so I was feeling quite sickly.
I really didn't feel like celebrating. The only good thing about the day was going out with my family and enjoying birthday pancakes at my favourite restaurant. Pancakes piled with strawberries, icecream and maple syrup doesn't disappoint.
Going out for lunch was as much as I could manage. I did plan to go out and do something fun like going to look at some shops that I haven't been to in awhile, but fatigue had other plans. After lunch I felt something shocking, so I spent my birthday between the couch watching tv, and the computer, pinning like a crazy woman on Pinterest. Yeah, I sure know how to partaaay!
Even my birthday cake was a huge disappointment. I usually get a white chocolate mud cake from the cheesecake shop every year, as it's my favourite. This cake is to die for. Well, not anymore it's not. I was horrified when I took my first bite. I couldn't understand why it tasted so disgusting. I should have baked my own cake. At least I would have enjoyed it. What the heck did the people do to my favourite cake ever? The icing was the worst part. It tasted cheap. The quality was appalling for a cake shop. It was like they dropped their baking standards to cut costs. A fellow family member also noted the awful taste change and suggested the shop must of changed hands. But why oh why would you change the recipe or ingredients when it tasted so amazing? I'm baffled. Cheesecake shop, you've got some splainin' to do! I could cry, my favourite cake in the whole wide world is no more.
I did get some nice new bling though. And that kind of makes up for how crappy I've been feeling lately.
Rockin' my new pearl earrings (I couldn't get both of them in the photo thanks to my fat prednisolone face)! Excuse the pale no makeup I'm beyond buggered face.
New ring! I'm in love.
It's not all bad though, this bout of depression is a blessing in disguise. It has made me more determined than ever to fight for my dreams and look for ways to achieve what I want despite my many limitations. And besides, another year older means I'm another year closer to being well again.
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